Crimbo Limbo

That bit between Xmas and New Year when nothing happens

Midriff crisis

The expanding waistline that comes with heading towards 40

Chadwick

A film trailer that gives away too much of the plot

Hat lag

Continuing to wear unseasonal clothing in denial of winter's arrival

Hell's help

The hackneyed bits of guff during on-hold messages that those listening don't believe and those making it don't think about

"All our call-handlers are very busy", "we apologize for the delay" and "Your call is important to us"

Remote rage

The interminable sixty seconds of copyright at the start of a DVD that you can't fast-forward through

The slippy grip

Unexpectedly having to shake hands after a trip to the bathroom. You know they're wet because you've washed them, but the other person can't help suspecting that it's wee

fauxthentic

Giving your upmarket bar a downmarket name. eg, The Fulham Bar and Eating House

Eating house??

sacrificial staple

the first little metal fella in a new set of of staples, destined to be cast into the void after the ker-chunk "let's staple-thin-air test" demonstrates that the machine still works after being refilled

door tetris

The ignominy of taking four attempts to open a double door, e.g:

push left door (nope)
pull right door (nope)
push left door (nope)

finally... push right (and open)

mini zorro

the universal swishy hand signal in a restaurant that signals "the bill please"

The email of shame

The follow-up mail you send that this time really does include the attachment you promised in the original email

Going "cold budgie"

Withdrawal headaches from giving up coffee

Eschering

The process of re-recording your voicemail greeting over and over again until it sounds right - though of course it never quite does

Binutes

The minutes of an awayday that are forgotten once you're back at the office

Rock Goggles

The phenomenon of people who'd not warrant much of a second-glance in normal life become sex gods when they're in a band and wear shades

Liddeling

The disconcerting way people alter their tone of voice when saying goodbye on a business call from their conversational norm to a inappropriately intimate, breathy, whispery bye...

"Ok, thanks. See you later. Yep. Bye. bye..."

Wezumping

Announcing your engagement to friends, only for another couple to subsequently announce theirs AND an actual wedding date - thus nabbing the nuptial limelight

whitmore

a cocky waiter who memorises your order instead of writing it down - leaving you with the nagging feeling that he's bound to get something wrong

purves

rogue over-the-shoulder seatbelts in a black cab that won't budge whether pulled forcefully, teased gently or sworn at

purving - to tug pointlessly at said seatbelt whilst hoping the driver doesn't bump into anything

fruitile

The inevitability that 90% of clementines in a brimming fruitbowl will end up being thrown away

tubescence

the victorious feeling when an arriving tube comes to a standstill with its doors exactly where you are - giving you a clear run at the last available seat

half-butler

The joy at getting past the halfway point in a paperback

Neolojism

a new rude word

Choc bottom

To reach that point where you have eaten so much bad food (esp. over xmas) that you finally get the motivation to go on a diet/start exercising

loosing it

Annoyance at seeing lose invariably mis-spelt as loose

smessing up

Comic mis-spellings created by errant use of mobiles phones' inbuilt text dictionaries. e.g. I wolf you up this morning (woke)

Smessing up can be serendipitous - buffle is an improvement on cuddle, for example