sleeplines

Waking up with marks on your body caused by deep sleep next to fabric patterns & creases. They often resemble spectacular body art or, one one memorable occasion, Scalextric tracks

tonguebobble

Indecision about whether to bite off one of those tiny white spots at the end of your tongue

binlifter

A person who distracts their tv-watching partner with random, unlikely fidgets

Trundle Alley

The life-sapping parade of illuminated posters in airport terminals advertising business gadgets and management consultancies

brownhouse

a person who comes across as a grumpy pants, but reality they're just too ashamed of their bad teeth to smile

talking stepladders

speaking utter guff in a very sincere voice whilst asleep

fluffdating

finding a receipt in the pocket of a coat you haven't worn for ages, allowing you to identify when you last wore it

garricking

uncomfortable after-work team drinks arranged by a well-intentioned new manager, when you'd all rather be on your way home

whuffcandle

the sense of relief when getting back into bed after having had a pee in the middle of the night, safe in the knowledge that you don't have to get up again